Providing critical feedback to someone you don’t know or don’t trust is difficult to achieve without leaving behind hurt feelings. Those of the receiving end of your rejection are not likely to respond positively unless you are open, honest, and direct with them.

Providing negative feedback is one-half of the relationship equation; receiving it is the other half. Communicating with those who don’t “get it” requires that you do both. They need to accept what you say as truth and to feel confident in acting upon it.

If you’re like most people you strive to tell the truth and expect others to be honest with you in return. More importantly, you expect people to communicate bad news graciously and to offer criticism objectively.

Timeliness is also a key factor. Waiting for the right moment or putting it off until the other person is in a good mood, just compounds the issue. Best to transfer the information while it’s fresh and there is still time to act upon it.

Fact-based criticism contains important information that can be useful and growth producing if you don’t personalize it or feel rejected by it. Yes, it hurts, and you may feel some guilt or pain, but keep in mind it’s not about you.

The less reactive you are to rejection the more honest and direct people will be with you. Both factors are important elements in building trust. Your objective is to encourage others to offer criticism without putting them through an uncomfortable or embarrassing process.

Rejection is simply the act of reviewing someone else’s work and providing that person with your findings. No one likes how it feels to be criticized, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable.

The purpose in giving criticism is to achieve clarity, not to hurt anyone’s feelings, but that may happen anyway. The challenge is to keep trying until the recipient understands that the message is meant to be helpful, not hurtful.

Crafting your message so that it carries no blame takes practice. Until you get used to this more direct way of communicating, it might help if you script your message by writing it down and repeating it several times out loud to yourself before you share it.

Such a formal response may seem awkward, especially if you’re not used to writing down what you plan to say before you say it. The fact that it’s not like you demonstrates your willingness to try something new.

It also confirms that you want to change the way things are, which is a crucial first step in getting others to take your rejection seriously and to act upon it immediately.