Seeing things differently is just one of many barriers that drive people apart when they should be pulling together. Breaking down these barriers in order to let a productive relationship form is highly desirable, but not likely to happen naturally.

What’s needed then are guidelines to help build a “task-oriented” relationship, meaning that when people are brought together to accomplish a specific assignment they concentrate or focus on the details of the task and not on each other. Think of it as “keeping your eye on the job.”

Working together rather than working alone.

 Before you decide to join forces with other leaders, you have to ask yourself the question, “What’s in it for me?” At first glance there may appear to be very little benefit other than making your constituents happy. You may have to look a little closer before you realize that you can’t do it alone and really do need what the other people bring to the table. It helps sometimes to list the skill sets you have and compare them to what you know others bring to the relationship.

Looking ahead or checking behind.

Problem solving and decision making are two separate and distinctly different functions. Solving problems requires that you look to the past—relationships are based on track records and reputations. Making decisions requires that you seek out information about the future—relationships are formed based on what’ possible. Both are necessary and often must be applied simultaneously. That’s why it is critical to first establish a common purpose before you pool your knowledge and begin your work.

Value what the others bring to the relationship.

First impressions are not always the ones you want to rely upon when it comes to working with others. You really don’t get a clear sense of what a colleague has to offer until you’ve given her a second and third look. At first glance, what someone else contributes may not seem as important as what you bring to the relationship. What she does have, however, is a personal expectation of how the task should be accomplished. Something you couldn’t possibly know unless you invited her to share what she knows without fear of being judged.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Everything you say has meaning. The challenge is to communicate to in a manner that clearly conveys your intentions and leaves no doubt as to what you expect of others. Don’t make any commitments you don’t intend to keep. Make sure that what you say aligns with what they’ve heard from other sources. Which means that you’ll need to set up a method of clarifying miscommunications and controlling rumors. Don’t wait until you have all the details—just get the truth, as you understand it, out there quickly. If some of what you say turns out to be inaccurate, then retell it as soon as you get a chance. Continue sharing your vision until people can  “see” what you mean and can picture for themselves what you mean.

Avoid taking a position until you know the whole story.

Let go of what you think you know about another person until you fully understand their truth. Wait until you’ve updated each other on what’s transpired since you last got together. When a conflict occurs, your first priority should be to just listen. That way you can establish a clear understanding of what’s keeping you from accepting each other’s viewpoint. That discovery should trigger a hunt for new information from which you may wish to form new opinions. Disagreements provide a natural opportunity for both parties to identify their differences. The key objective is to agree to disagree until a mutually acceptable solution is found. If you cannot resolve the issue quickly, set it aside for now and don’t let it to get in the way of your working together.

What’s In It For You?

Anytime you stop to think about your feelings towards other people, their personalities are bound to get in your way. This is why it’s so hard to work with someone you don’t know. Becoming task-oriented moves you out of personalizing the relationship and into objectifying it. When that shift occurs, bright lights illuminate problems so it becomes clear what, not who, needs to be fixed. Strained relationships, which were once a source of pain and frustration, become a source of satisfaction and enjoyment. What follows, then, is the realization that by combining your efforts even the most difficult challenges can be overcome. Which, after all, is what we expect of a leader.