The key to finding value in rejection is to realize that you’re not the target, but rather the negativity is aimed at what you represent. Next time you experience rejection; first admit that it hurts, then tell yourself it’s no big deal. Doing so will free your mind to determine how to respond and what action to take to rectify the situation.
Here are four general categories or conditions under which you are most likely to be rejected together with a suggested response:
- The person has no need for what you offer. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. There’s nothing to be gained from a relationship with such a person, so let it go and move on.
- The person has misunderstood what you represent. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Try to change his or her mind by providing new information or offering clarification.
- The person has recognized a personal weakness. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Acknowledge it, agree to apply one or more of your other strengths to compensate.
- The person has revealed something negative that was previously unknown to you. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Acknowledge the fault and agree to try harder in the future.
Rejection hurts and the pain can linger for a lifetime. The fear of rejection can control your life. Since there’s not much you can do about it, what’s the point of learning from rejection?
The answer is that learning from rejection will give you more control. You’ll also discover how to use it as a power tool.
Knowing how to respond proactively when faced with rejection is exactly what you need for you to find the true purpose for your life.
So, perhaps it’s time to take charge of your career path rather than let rejection diminish your aspirations and dampen your enthusiasm for what the future holds in store.
Learning from rejection will help you get from where you are now to where you want to be in the future, and then empower you to stay on the pathway to success.
The Formula for Success
Perceiving negative reactions from others as signs of your failure is natural. It’s tempting to respond by limiting your efforts to avoid being hurt. But instead of letting rejection freeze your ambition, a more productive response would be to adapt the following formula for success:
Success requires risk.
Risk is the primary means of measuring the value of your commitment. You risk rejection whenever you commit yourself to a dream. Fortunately, the more risks you take, the more likely you are to succeed.
Risk escalates failure.
Look upon failure as part of the learning process. Examine the cause and try to avoid similar choices in the future. Adopt the “no big deal” philosophy, which means that when one thing doesn’t work keep on trying until you find what does.
Failure builds confidence.
Feeling good about yourself and believing that what you’re doing is right builds your confidence. Invest in your own worth. You may have faults and others will pick them out, but as a whole person no one is better than you.
Confidence raises self-esteem.
You feel good about yourself when others hold you in high regard, so don’t waste time on negative people. Do what you believe makes sense. Don’t compromise yourself or your values. Remember, your success is well earned and well deserved.
How you handle rejection can influence your ability to complete the success formula. Rejection and the learning that comes with it can be put to good use when you understand that it’s not about you, it’s about what you offer or what you represent that people are objecting to.
- Self-esteem is enhanced proportionally to the difficulty of the task. The tougher it is to do, the better you’re going to feel about yourself when you get it done.
- Painful experiences are not always negative. They often have many beneficial outcomes.
- You do things for a reason, sometimes subconsciously. Your behavior has an ego-payoff. Understand what it is, and improvement becomes easier.
- Feeling bad about the past is futile. Concentrate your concern on those things you can redo or influence. Spend less time thinking about those things you cannot change.
- Be conscious of when you are letting other people determine your behavior especially when it goes against what you believe.
- Your worth as a person is derived from who you are, not from what you do.
- Enjoy what’s here right now because today is the only certainty you have and the only time, you’re in control.