In her bestseller Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO, encouraged women to take a seat at the conference table as participants rather than sit around the outside as observers. Great advice, except for one historical impediment: Women find sitting at the table with men, to be a risky undertaking because they risk being ignored, talked down to, harassed, and made to feel they don’t belong.

Women are entitled to be respected for what they bring to the table—but it is not up to them to change the seating arrangements. The surest way to achieve gender collaboration is for men to create a place where women feel welcome and to ensure women are taken seriously when they come to the table.

In a workplace where leadership is gender-balanced, failure is viewed as the basis for learning and one of the critical factors leading to success. Successful leaders understand the risk involved in any given situation and strive to minimize the chances of failure by seeking feedback from their peers both before and after making a decision.

What follows are several ways to establish learning forums where leaders of all genders gather to discuss, discover, and determine the best way to create a culture where female leadership is celebrated, female achievements are recognized, and female core values and underlying assumptions are shared and affirmed.

The Inclusionary Thinking model depicted in the image above and described expanded below shows what a knowledge pool looks like and how it is formed. Here is a list of sample questions by category to help get the process started:

Assumptions

• What conclusions have people brought with them?
• What do they actually know?
• What information is missing?
• What are the major agreements and differences?

Opinions

• What do people think should happen?
• Who has taken a stand and who is open to change?
• Are people proactive, reactive, or inactive?
• How were their opinions formed and by whom?

Perceptions

• What do people think has happened?
• What information has gotten through?
• What needs correcting or modifying?
• Who is up to date and who is not?

Expectations

• What are the anticipated outcomes?
• What information sources are people using?
• Which expectations are viewed as positive?
• Which expectations are perceived as negative?

Viewpoints

• What do people see from their position?
• What individual views are represented?
• What facts are true and which are being twisted?
• Whose views are blocked and by what or whom?

The prosperity of every organization depends upon how its leaders respond to failure, treat mistakes, service customers, handle complaints, create ideas, manage growth, and view success. Although men and women may bring differing perspectives to the table, to be effective they must respect each other and work together to maintain a culture where collaboration matters and performance counts.