When faced with rejection it is critical to your health and welfare to have a personal support system in place to help you cope with the discomfort and get back on track as soon as possible.

Unlike mentoring or networking, your support system will focus on you as a person, rather than on your job or career. The primary mode of communication between yourself and the “players” in your support system should be one-on-one. At times, the level of interaction can be intense, particularly during periods of doubt and confusion when your self-esteem takes a hit.

Building your support system takes time and requires a great deal of reflection. Think of it as a series of “casting calls.” People audition and you carefully consider who would be the best person to play the role. The process works best if you let people know what role you want them to play, and, should they agree, what you expect of them when you call for support

Often, when you’re not sure of what is really “bugging” you, exploring the deeper aspects of problems with someone in your support system will bring the issue to the surface so you can face it honestly. It is vital that you engage your support system before rejection sets in and shuts you down. 

Support System: Functions and Players

The following descriptions of support system roles were selected from the research and writings of pioneers in the career development field. The six roles presented here have been specifically selected to fit the needs of those suffering from the loss of belonging or feelings of rejection who might be in need of confirmation, comfort, and clarity.

• Confidence builders. Provide encouragement when you need a lift. Choose people who know you well and are able to sense when your spirits need a lift. When the tough times get you down, it is comforting to know people who can supply you with the assurance you need to get back on track.
• Challengers. Question your plan if they think you need a reality check. You need a sturdy sounding board to test your notions, thoughts, and ideas. The stronger your convictions are, the more people you will need to fill this role. Choose people who have the ability to take you seriously and the willpower to say no, if necessary.
• Motivators. Stimulate your thought process. Very useful when you need a quick burst of energy to get moving again. Pick people who inspire you and build you up. You don’t have to know them. Authors, artists, poets, preachers, prophets, gurus, or just about anyone who provides a positive influence qualifies as a motivator.
• Sustainers. Concerned for your welfare and well-being. When your mental health sags, you need people who will not just prop you up but lift you up. You need to know that there are people who care what happens to you. Sustainers help you to look at adversity as an opportunity to broaden and develop your horizon.
• Intimates. Someone who cares for you and admires the way you are. Intimates sees you as a special person and don’t try to change you. They respect your point of view, even if they disagree. Intimates discuss personal concerns and express frank opinions. Intimates provides a source of satisfaction and stimulation.
• Reflectors. Think like you, have the same interests, have similar values and enjoy many of the same things you do. They serve as a mirror reflecting your thoughts and feelings. You can share ideas with them without fear of judgment or criticism. They accept your faults and forgive your mistakes because they respect you. 

Note: Career development authority and bestselling author, Beverly Kaye, recommends limiting the number of support roles you assign to any one person. The convenience of going to a single source for a variety of your support needs is overshadowed by the possibility of stressing out that special person by expecting him or her to play too many roles.