When conflict lingers unabated, it doesn’t take long before resentment and distrust set in. As a result, there is little appreciation for the creative aspects of blending contrasting viewpoints. A conflict-resolution process that embraces the disparities between individuals can uncover buried issues, clarify misunderstandings, restore confidence, and minimize rejection.

Acting as though conflict doesn’t exist erects barriers and fosters rejection. Over-reaction to a simple mistake is a clue that bigger, unstated conflicts are buried on the list of undiscussable issues. As the list grows, people avoid discussing their differences for fear of a major blow-up.

Items are placed on the undiscussable list whenever they become a source of conflict. Disappointing experiences, especially where there’s an emotional investment, leave negative impressions. So, regardless of how important it might be for this conflict to be resolved, it’s not likely that those embroiled in it will do so voluntarily.

As time passes, other unit members will experience similar outcomes. The undiscussable list will lengthen, and a dysfunctional norm will be established. Unless the pattern changes, the list will continue to grow until everyone involved chokes on the volume of indigestible issues.

Conflict is a natural source of creativity and the root element of synergy. Only when conflict is hidden or ignored does it serve no useful purpose. Unresolved conflicts inhibit collective efforts by keeping people from seeking the truth and exploring alternatives. A formal program brings conflict into the open where it can be examined and understood.

Conflict Sequencing

Typically, the heaviest conflicts are at the top the list of undiscussable issues. Not only do they surface first, but they have also been there so long that they have taken on additional weight. Start at the bottom with the least significant issues and work upwards through the list. Discussing the low priority issues first makes it more likely that more serious conflicts will be resolved more easily and with a higher level of satisfaction.

Conflict sequencing opens communication between participants and thus enables them to get to the deeper issues in an orderly manner. If an issue cannot be resolved, then it is set aside so as not to stop the process. That conflict can be revisited once progress has been made on other issues.

Understanding how conflict-sequencing works will help you get to those deeper issues that are hampering your effectiveness and blocking your ability to work well with others.

Sequencing Steps

Step 1. Tracking

Begin tracking a conflict as soon as signs appear that it exists. Signs include raised eyebrows, caustic comments, unanswered requests, over reactions to minor issues. Discussions focused on who was right or wrong. Arguments over inconsequential issues that that move backward in time. People watching each other closely for reactions often with arms folded tightly.

Step 2. Building

Rather than dissipating, the conflict begins to grow. People will only talk about the issues surrounding the conflict in ambiguous terms and continue to ignore their misunderstandings.

More people become aware the conflict exists, even if they don’t understand who or what is involved. Participants either choose sides or distance themselves to avoid involvement.

Step 3. Recognizing

Conflict is apparent, and the issues need to be brought out into the open. Choose a strategy that acknowledges the conflict, while suspending judgment as to who or what is right or wrong.

Make it clear what is to be accomplished. Share the objectives with key players and communicate the goals throughout the organization.

The purpose must be legitimate; for example, to improve quality, decrease turnover, build morale, or increase productivity. Select a disinterested third-party to gather information from those directly involved.

Step 4. Identifying

Pull the key players together to facilitate a non-judgmental examination of the issues underlying the conflict. Explain that this is an opportunity for people known to be in conflict to share perspectives within the security of a group session. Encourage antagonists to share the basis for their views. Emphasize the value of their contributions, but only if it leads to a joint resolution.

Blend expectations by focusing on the vantage points of all participants. Ask them how it looks from where they sit. Encourage them to:

• Make a list of expectations for each one involved.
• Pinpoint the source of all unmet expectations.
• Identify the role of each player.
• Clarify the significance of each issue.
• Determine the priority of resolving each issue.
• Continue the process until a resolution is reached.

Step 5. Discussing

Have the key players deliberate the conflict. Explain resolution techniques and negotiation methods, and then have them state their expectations of the process. Set the stage by documenting all attempts to resolve conflict even those that sputter and die.

Openly examine what worked and what didn’t. Don’t discount unsuccessful experiences; use them as opportunities to try again. Even if a resolution didn’t occur, a major step was taken to get the conflict off the “no-no” list and out into the open for discussion. A basis for trust was established, thus making future conflict resolution less stressful for all parties.

Encourage those who experienced minor success to continue to work through the process. Direct those with unresolved conflicts to focus on “what” rather than “who” needs to change. By this point people should understand how the conflict has evolved and be ready to select a technique for resolution. Have them agree on the means of resolution, appoint neutral monitors, establish timelines, and begin working on the resolution.

Step 6. Reconciling

This final step calls for re-evaluation of the conflict, its underlying issues, and its proposed resolution. Note the timelines established in Step 5 above. Informally poll the key players and the neutral monitors and use the information they share to answer the following questions:

• Have the parties settled their differences?
• Are there any hurt feelings?
• Is any restitution or forgiveness necessary?
• Are the expectations of those involved being met?
• What lessons have been learned?
• How should these lessons apply to future conflict?

If further action is warranted, gather the involved parties together and revisit the sequencing steps to address any unresolved aspects of the original conflict. Help them understand that resolution is vital and that they are responsible for achieving it.