In your quest to better understand rejection, it is critical that you get your head around the concept that “no” may not be the final answer. Often a “no” is situational or conditional depending upon how the people involved are feeling at that moment.

Keep in mind there are three time-dependent conditions to consider before any action is called for: 1) No, not now; 2) No, not then; 3) No, not ever. It is important to uncover the true meaning behind each condition before you respond.

Let’s say for example that you’re out shopping. You don’t know if the store you’ve entered has what you’re looking for, so when the salesperson asks: “Can I help you?” You reply, “No, thank you.” Does that mean you don’t intend to buy? Or does it mean you need time to look around before deciding. So, when you find the item, you’ll be ready to buy.

If the salesperson accepts your “No, not now” as the final answer, he or she is likely to go away feeling rejected and miss out on the sale when you find what you’re looking for. If you leave without buying anything, that could be perceived as a “No, not then” because you may not find the item anywhere else and ultimately come back for a second look. Or, you may have found the item, but were disappointed in the cost and left the store in search of a lower price.

What lessons can the salesperson glean from this experience? He or she would be wise to keep track of the number of people who behave in this manner and bring it to the attention of the store manager. The manager could interpret the response as “No, not ever” and accept the rejection and give up any hope of a sale. Hopefully, the manager learned from the experience and lowered the price with the knowledge that customers like you would respond to a bargain.