Failure can be a major impediment to a successful career. The hurt from it can last a lifetime. The fear of it can stifle your ambition and diminish your potential. So, you might ask, what’s the point of learning about a subject that’s known to cause such grief and suffering? 

The answer is that by digging deeper into the cause of the failure you’ll discover a whole new perspective on how to respond when things don’t go the way you expected. In addition to finding the underlying reason, you’ll also learn how to turn your pain into gain.

Failure is temporary; it only has lasting impact if you let it. Until you know the reason behind it you’re speculating at your own risk. You may give up on a relationship or a job too soon and be dead wrong. Rather than treating failure as a hapless predicament, instead, explore the source of the rejection to find out what you can learn from it.

Here are the five most common conditions under which you are likely to experience rejection as a consequence of failure and the suggested responses to each:

1. The person has no need for what you offer or represent. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. There is nothing to be gained from a relationship with a disagreeable or negatively disposed person, so let it go and move on.

2. The person has misunderstood what you have to offer or represent. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Ask for an opportunity to explain your intentions. Try to change his or her mind by providing new information or offering an alternative.

3. The person has recognized a weakness or a flaw in what you offer or represent. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Acknowledge your shortcoming and agree to apply your other strengths to compensate.

4. The person has revealed something negative about you or what you offer that was previously unknown to you. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. Thank him or her for being honest. Acknowledge the fault graciously and work on overcoming it.

5. The person has no idea of who you are or what you offer. That hurts, but it’s no big deal. You’ve been rejected for a highly arbitrary reason and may never know why. There’s not much you can do about this situation so let it go and move on.

Failure and the learning that comes with it can be put to good use once you understand and accept that it’s not about you. Rather, it’s about what you offer or represent that people are rejecting. 

To avoid being over whelmed by failure when it occurs use the following principles to guide and sustain you:

• Think of failure as a means of measuring the importance of your involvement. You risk being rejected whenever you act on your own beliefs.

• Look on failure as part of the learning process. You will be rejected many times in your career. Examine the cause and avoid similar missteps in the future.

• Adopt a no big deal philosophy. When one thing doesn’t work the way you expected, don’t give up—try something else.

• Have a strong belief in your personal worth and professional value. You have much to contribute that has not yet been tried or tested.

• Do what you believe in, and others will believe in you. Trust and support others and they will trust and support you.

• Don’t compromise yourself and your values. Hold yourself up and treat yourself well. You’ve earned it and you deserve it!