DOERS

During a period of uncertainty, it is critical to your long-term success to have a Personal Support System in place to help you cope with the challenges of making important decisions with limited information.

Building your support system takes time and requires a great deal of reflection. The process works best if you let people know what you expect of them when you call on them for support. It is vital that you engage your support system before rejection sets in and shuts you down. 

Support System: Functions and Players

The six roles presented here have been specifically selected to fit the needs of those suffering from the loss of belonging or feelings of worthlessness who are seeking confirmation, comfort, and clarity.

Confidence builders. Provide encouragement when you need a lift. Choose people who know you well and can sense when your spirits are low. When the tough times get you down, it is comforting to know people who can supply you with the assurance you need to get back on track.

Challengers. Question your plans if they think you need a reality check. You need a sturdy sounding board to test your notions, thoughts, and ideas. The stronger your convictions, the more people you will need to fill this role. Choose people who take you seriously and have the willpower to say no, if necessary.

Motivators. Stimulate your thought process. Very useful when you need a quick burst of energy to get moving again. Pick people who inspire you and build you up. You don’t have to know them personally. Authors, artists, poets, preachers, prophets, gurus, or just about anyone who provides a positive influence qualifies as a motivator.

Sustainers. Concerned for your welfare and well-being. When your mental health sags, you need people who will not just lift you up but hold you up. You need to know that there are people who care what happens to you. Sustainers help you to look at rejection as an opportunity to broaden your outlook and develop your horizon.

Intimates. Someone who cares for you and admires who you are. Intimates see you as a special person and don’t try to change you. They respect your point of view, even if they disagree at times. Intimates discuss personal concerns and express frank opinions. Intimates provides a source of satisfaction and stimulation.

Reflectors. Think like you, have the same interests, have similar values, and enjoy many of the same things you do. They serve as a mirror reflecting your thoughts, feelings, and intentions. You can share ideas with them without fear of judgment or criticism. They accept your faults and forgive your mistakes because they respect you. 

Note: Career development authority and bestselling author, Beverly Kaye, recommends limiting the number of support roles you assign to any one person. The convenience of going to a single source for a variety of your support needs is overshadowed by the possibility of stressing out that special person by expecting him or her to play too many roles.